Insomnia oh how I hate thee.

There's really not much to do at 2am. So you lay in bed, willing sleep to come. At around 4am you give up. But what on earth is there to do at 4am that won't wake the entire house? Not much really.

I've been having trouble sleeping the last few nights. Maybe it's excitement for the holidays, or stress, even though I'm not feeling very stressed anymore about what I was stressed about because really it's just dumb and not worth the effort it will take for me to constantly stress about it. Who knows. Either way it sucks. I tried staying up later last night/tonight, taking a warm bath before bed, reading a book and unwinding. None of that crap worked.

So what have I done so far to keep myself entertained in the wee hours of the night?

1.) Made decaf earl gray tea. This was entertaining for a few minutes actually. I watched the coffee cup go round and round in the microwave for a couple of minutes, then dipped the tea bag over and over...fun right? I considered downing the entire bottle of honey but just added a bit and a splash of milk and viola! Hot tea. I'm trying to convince myself this is fun. I am proud of myself for NOT eating the batch of chocolate toffee fudge I made before I went to bed.

2.) Post in pregnancy forum about insomnia. No one cares about your complaints when you're pregnant, except for other pregnant women.

3.) Convince Kitty that 4am is not breakfast time. Kitty thinks that when I get up, it's time to start her day. She purrs and circles my feet in an attempt to knock me down to the ground and eat me I think. Or she just thinks it's time to be fed. I just tell her she's fat and close myself in my office.

4.) Play on Facebook THat got old quick.

5.) Google "23 weeks pregnant" and read dozens of articles from different sites that all sound the same. Fun new symptom they present this week? INSOMNIA!

6.) Blog

Which brings me to where I am now. 5somethingish in the morning and still not tired. I have christmas cookies to bake tomorrow and don't want to be all groggy and miserable. Grrrrr.

One of the articles I read suggested this tip:
"Sit with your eyes closed and imagine a beautiful, peaceful scene (a sunset over your favorite beach, waves gently lapping the shore"...this doesn't work for me. I picture myself at this beach with this hot waiter strolling by with a tray full of coronas and pina coladas that I can't have right now. Even my attempts at dreamish thoughts are failures. Now this trick is supposed to exhaust your mind faster than say...counting sheep which is supposed to lull you into sleep by making you become bored with the repetition of little sheep bouncing over your head. I can't just think of sheep though. My sheep don't just bounce nicely in a line, they hop all over the place, they taunt me from their recliners as they lay back and chug a frosty beer and oh how I hate them.

If it wouldn't make so much noise, I'd get a start on my Christmas baking now, but noooo all I can do is either read...and my book is somewhere in the bedroom so I can't go retrieve it right now, or play on the computer. Which is going to give me amazing eye strain later in the day.

At least I know this...if YOU happen to have trouble sleeping I'm sure my blog has lulled you into a state of sleep. But at least it entertained me for a few minutes. Now I'm off...there are still about 10 dozen "23 weeks pregnant" links I haven't clicked on yet. Blah.

End of semester wrap up.

I haven't blogged in a few weeks because I've been struggling with trying to find constant happy thoughts. That one always frustrating problem in my life is taking over and making me miserable despite my best efforts to push it out of my mind. I don't suppose being pregnant and hormonal is very helpful either. But there have been happy things going on in my life...many more than the unhappy one and I just need to find a way to focus on those.

I finished my first semester of college. The first I've finished EVER, so that was a pretty big deal for me. I took four classes and while I wanted to get straight A's I'm still pleased with the three A's and the one B+ I got. I deserved the B+ because I really put minimal effort into my final paper which was a large chunk of my grade. Am I dissapointed that I didn't try harder? Not really. I made it through the suprise of finding out I was pregnant, not feeling well because of it, and all the other drama that I get from my ex. I think I did amazingly well in spite of everything and I'm proud of myself.

I enrolled full-time again for next semester. Three of my classes are online and one of them wasn't offered online so I guess I'll have an excuse to get out of the house twice a week and talk to real people. I think online is going to be better considering the semester ends May 6th (happy bday to me!) and I'm going to be squirting out a kid well before then.

Speaking of the future kid...I'm 23 weeks pregnant now and definitely showing. I'm still pleased that I haven't blown up like a whale YET. I've been indulging when I want, but that's pretty normal for me even when I'm not pregnant so it's really not resulting in the packing on of pounds. Our last ultrasound with the radiologist took FOREVER and was really uncomfortable. Someone should research a way to make those hospital beds a little more ergonomically comfy for poor pregnant women. Either way, the tech said the baby was still looking like a girl.

Now comes the tough question. What should we name our little sea otter? I have NO clue. We've still got 4 months to figure it out, but I'm lost. She's getting really wiggly in my belly though which is cool and if I can get Hannah to slow down long enough she may actually be able to feel her soon.

Christmas is this week. I'm super excited that my sister and her hubbie will be coming down/over/whatever from NC to hang out. My parents are coming up too although they'll be hiding out at some condo conveniently located next to the casinos in Biloxi. And Bill's girls will be here at the same time as everyone, including hopefully Ethan. Hannah and I have all week to bake cookies and eat them and bake more to replace the ones we eat. So although I see myself gaining a few pounds this week, I think it'll be fun.

I'm really looking forward to a full house and cooking some yummy breakfasts and relaxing with the family. Hope you all have a great holiday too and I'll probably check in after the new year, if not sooner.

F U Sinus Cold!!

I had a great Thanksgiving with the family. Mom & Dad drove up with their dog Gracie who had fun playing with Kitty for a couple of days. There are reasons Kitty is an only pet. We got the Christmas tree up on Saturday with the girls who had fun decorating and then enjoyed some hot apple cider and homemade snickerdoodles compliments of yours truly. Mostly I just wanted snickerdoodles for myself and to get the leftover apple juice out the fridge.

On Tuesday I had my 20 week checkup. Doc found the baby's heartbeat right away this time and said it was in the 140's which is "right where he wants it". He measured my belly this time, measuring well over my belly button. How he can find anything under all my fluff is beyond me...lol.

The nurse said I've only gained 2 pounds since my last visit, which seems a little low to me, especially since i was wearing jeans this time. I think their scale is a little low, but I'm happy!

I was having some slight swelling again, and doc didn't seem very concerned at all. He did warn me that at my 28 week checkup they would do the glucose test and "drain me again". I wish I'd warned him how much I HATE having my blood taken, I faint, so I wish that he would have waited to tell me so I didn't have to stress for 2 months. I tried to tell him I've done all this before and don't think I need all these test. He said "yes but this is the first time you've had THIS pregnancy". Smarty pants. Oh well, I tried to get out of it...

Also I have a killer sinus cold and he gave me some benadryl, sudafed, aceto...tylenol, and some cepacol. Gotta love the military docs, they just load you up and everything is free. The crappy thing about sinus colds though is that no matter how much medicine you take, you still feel horrible.

I dosed up yesterday on the sudafed, I guess it made my head stop hurting, but my nose kept running like crazy and I got a caffiene high off of it. I can only take one every 12 hours, so of course it wears off in the evening and I can't take another one or I'll be up all night. They did give me benadryl to help me sleep so I tried that last night and boy did that NOT work. I still couldn't fall asleep and my nose ran almost all night. Bill tried to come to bed but claimed I was "snoring like a 50 year old man" so he went and slept in another room. How he knows what a 50 year old man's snoring sounds like is beyond me, should I be worried? Besides...I've been dealing with his snoring for a VERY long time and trust me, it ain't no picnic either.

So I still feel like poop, really unhappy sniffly achy freezing cold or burning hot poop...depending on the hour. But I am almost done with classes which is good news. I finished my thesis paper tonight for my english class...good thing since it's due tomorrow. Then I'm done with class for the week and headed to G'ville to hang out with my parents...who are also sick. I'm sure I caught it from them. Haha!

Next doctors visit is THIS Friday for my offical ultrasound! I'll update with how that experience was soon.

Shopping Therapy vs Beerapy

I woke up today with the fear that it was going to be a really bad day. I'd had a rough night arguing with the ex over Thanksgiving which should be my holiday. Of course he refuses to agree which means court...in Gainesville...10 hour drive about for those that don't know. So I woke up grouchy and feeling that panicky feeling that nothing was ever going to be right with the world. I've been SUPER happy lately. Maybe it's just pregnancy hormones but I've been in a state of euphoria and I had no desire to lose that feeling. I'm a smart enough person to try and see this rationally and talk myself out of getting stressed over things I can't fix right now, but I still felt it creeping in. First I had to drive to Pensacola to get forms notarized, faxed, make copies, mail copies, blah blah blah. I needed destressifying and fast!

My normal means of destressifying involve something like that new country song that talks about beer in your hand and your ass in the sand. Well today it was beautiful outside and looked like the perfect beach day and I WAS already in Pensacola. However, it was a little too cold for the beach, and a little too windy, and I'm a little too pregnant for my usualy beerapy where I grab a couple (few, dozen) beers and flop on the beach until I get my mind right. So what IS a pregnant woman to do to destress? I hit the mall.

The mall wasn't open that early of course, so I walked around for 30 minutes with the old people getting their exercise. I did my walking with some Starbucks in my hand though. It is really nice to walk around without the crowds and enjoy the holiday decorations, music, and scents. I sat outside on a bench in the sun by a pretty fountain for a little bit too and just focused on the water and the sun and on not thinking negative thoughts. Breathe in, breathe out...ahhh less stressed already. My mall adventure turned out to be fruitful and my day got gradually better and better and I may have to admit that shopping therapy is pretty darn close to being better than beerapy.

Cost of getting pregnant me from stressed and unhappy to happy again?

Starbucks Venti Caramel Macchiato with extra caramel - $5
I know, I know...caffiene, pregnant, bad, but I gave up BOOZE! I deserve a treat!

Victoria's Secret free panties and body spray - $10
I had a free panty card but if I spent $10 I got a $10 (or up to $500...mystery!) to use in December. So that's like FREE money right?

Old Navy 5 cute maternity tops - $20
I was going to buy two tops on clearance. When I got to the register they were an additional 50% off! I'm like $8? Really? I'm going back for more!!

CVS envelope to mail court crap & card for Jen - Negative 4.00
I had bonus bucks and got an additional coupon with my purchase for $4.00 off the next time! Woooo!!

TOTAL: Pretty darn cheap

My happy mood was back. In addition I found a silly card to send to my sister. I believe that if you have to mail out something unpleasant like court papers, and a copy to your ex certified signature return that costs $5 and he will probably refuse to sign, that you should also send out something pleasant and happy that will cheer someone else up. This is my made up theory of mail karma. Balance the bad with good and all is great with the world.

So that was today and it's only noon. Oh and I skipped class for the first time ever. Technicall I didn't skip much because my first class I finished the work and the instructor said we didn't have to come in if we were done. My second class is my Human Growth and Development teacher who says that stress can kill. So I will write her a letter stating that I needed a personal stress killing day for my own health and sanity and she'll excuse me for sure.

Oh and for those of you that have read this far (crazies) and don't know already we had the ultrasound on Saturday. We took all the kids with us to this ultrasound lady in a cute office that cursed us by wearing a pink shirt.

It's a girl :)

I am finishing up my 16th week of being knocked up and things are going great. I had a few days this week where I came home from my college classes feeling like I could pass out, so I did! Mostly. I think Bill has some tracking system that tells him the minute my head hits the pillow because a couple times no sooner than I had laid down he came home. It's impossible to nap with him bugging me. I'm trying to enjoy the freedom to nap while I can. When SOMEONE isn't interrupting me! I'm having trouble sleeping at night so if I need a nap, I need a nap.

Bill, Hannah and I went out to dinner at Chili's this week. Lately I haven't been feeling like eating anything in particular and most everything doesn't seem appealing to me. Definitely different than other pregnancies where I wanted to eat everything in site. So I went to Chili's figuring I wouldn't like anything. However...everything tasted great! I guess it's the heightened taste and smell you get, but I was in heaven. Hannah and I split fajitas like we always do and maybe I just didn't notice it before but their guacamole is awesome. I wanted to get a spoon and eat a big scoop of it. But I didn't want to gross out everyone else at the table...lol. Usually I don't like their beans and rice but they tasted so good to me. Maybe I've finally found something to crave. It was nice to get out of the house with just the three of us too. It seems like we don't do that enough.

Hubbie is out of town for the weekend flying or something like that. So I'm happy to get a weekend to clean the house and relax a bit. OR just play games all weekend! I rented Lego Rock Band thinking it would be like the other lego games. Run around, smash things, collect all the coins that fly out. Nope! It's an actual Rock Band game just with legos. I hate to admit liking such a dorky game, but I really like a lot of the songs on the game and am having fun decorating my little lego Rock Den.

ALSO I got a package from FedEx today that I wasn't really expecting. A couple weeks ago wrote up a preview of the game Fairytale Fights for the Xbox 360. For those of you that don't know what a preview is, it's an unfinished version of the game, just a few levels, and they tend to have a lot of glitches and problems. But it's like getting a first glimpse of a new game that very few people get to see. The package I got today was a press kit that came in a cool box that looks like an old fairytale book with a neat book of art from the game, some sugar wafers??, some cards, poster, AND a full retail copy of the game! There's nothing cooler than getting a FREE $60 game in the mail.

So maybe I won't get so much done around the house after all...lol. Oh well. I have resisted playing it so far.

It's been a good week for mail too. Kim sent me a box with three new books in it which is great because I ran out of books to read. Woohooo!! Thanks Kim!

The new picture is from today. I had to come to the realization that the blonde hair isn't going to work right now. My hair is growing fast and my roots are so dark that spending all that money on highlights would just be a waste. So I got a $5 box of brown hair dye and the blonde is no more! This will be easier and much cheaper to maintain. Then when I'm done being all knocked up I can go get a mini makeover and go back to blonde. Luckily I'm so gorgeous I can pull off any color. Hee hee

Keep reading because NEXT weekend we're going to be hopefully finding out if this little sea otter is a boy or a girl!

Life has been spiffy since my last post, blog, whatever you call it. Friday I had my 15 week super quick doctor visit. Doctor dug around trying to find a heartbeat and did finally, in the 150's...I suppose that's good. He said it's probably a girl because he/she was making it so difficult for him to find the heartbeat. "Maybe she's having a bad hair day and doesn't want to come out from behind your pelvis" he said. I yelled at him , and later Bill jokingly said I should have punched him in the face. He's still rooting for a Bill junior hanging around in there. Visit only lasted 5 minutes, and the doctor said to get up and stretch every 2 hours...that was the only advice. Stretch what?

I'm happy to announce that I've only gained 1/2 of a pound. Bill says it's all boobs, and I have to agree. Although I think it was all poop and I enjoyed smelling up the parents bathroom the next day when I visited them and had a little poopapalooza. Fun for everyone. The kids & Dad found that a good time to evacuate the house, and Mom and I headed for the mall where I used yet another free pantie card from Vic's Secret. For anyone that needed to know, the boy panties in XL were not a good choice. Bigger is not better, and they just ride up my butt. But they were free. I also got the cutest hoodie sweater and a couple tops from Motherhood Maternity. They'll go great with the huge bag of insanely comfy pants my sister sent me. The majority of them can be worn out in public and I could almost cry because they feel so good. I've been trying to cram in my regular clothes and on Friday the button popped off of my capris, sending me the message that it was time to retire them until this is all over.

No one understands the importance of comfy pants like a pregnant woman, so for this I salute my sister.

I am really happy I didn't gain much. I thought I was going to have gained like 5 pounds and cry in the doctors office, but so far I'm doing pretty well. I know it won't last, and that I'm destined to come out of this a porker. The last couple times I was skinny before I started and this time, sadly, I am not. But that's just a reality I have to deal with.

Anyhoooo...if I don't go now I'll be late for class so that has to be it for now.

Flutters or Gas?

Nothing majorly exciting has happened since I last blogged. Last weekend we took the girl children to Sea World. We still haven't told Bill's girls that I'm knocked up. Luckily the smaller of the girl children was too small to ride the rides, and too scared to ride the ones she could so I had an excuse to sit out. Being a roller coaster LOVER it was really tough for me to not hop on the new Mantra. But if you've ever seen the ride, they dangle you face down, and between my gigantuous pregnant boobs and my starting to flop out belly it wouldn't have been comfortable even if it were safe. Which it were not. (I did bad grammar on purpose)

Hannah and I stopped at Target today so I could get a notebook to do some dumb class project. We hit the Starbucks counter on the way out. I have NOT had Starbucks since I fould out I was pregnant and I think that's pretty good for me. So I gave in and got my favorite venti caramel macchiato with extra caramel. You can flog me for it later. I drank them many times a week when I was pregnant with Hannah and she turned out just...well...you know how she is. LOL. Anyhow...yesterday I thought I had felt a little flutter, like the baby kind of flutter. They say most moms will start feeling them between 16-18 weeks. I'll be 15 weeks on Sunday. And they say that moms who have been moms before will feel them sooner. But it took me by suprise and didn't happen again.

Well...I think the coffee got the little sea otter kicking. I felt it again today, and have a few times more. It could be gas, but technically being pregnant, all your gassy making parts get shoved to the back of your body. This fluttering definitely is happening in the front right between my belly button and pelvis. Which is wear jr. sea otter should be camped out. So I will choose to believe this is caffiene induced baby fluttering. Fun!

Other fun things have been happening. Lately I've been backed up like the customer service line at Wal-Mart the day after Christmas. That makes me happy. Eventually something comes out though and coffee seems to help so I'm not really worried about it. Told ya this would be TMI!

In addition to that I seem to have lost my stomach. I know I wasn't in the best of shape coming into this whole thing. It's inevitable that I'll grow into a whale, much like the ones we visited at Sea World last weekend, before this whole thing is over. I'm not going to TRY to get fat, but I'm just being realistic here. So it's no suprise to me that I can't fit into anything anymore. I can't suck my fat in. Therefore I have to assume that since I have not yet gained a single pound that the fat is being pushed out by the baby. Isn't that nice of the little sea otter to share my fat with the rest of the world? Thanks!

Bill keeps telling me I'm not "that pregnant" yet, but hey...I'm on my third here. Those belly muscles give up and jump ship after the second...or so I've heard. So I don't think it's that ridiculous that at almost 15 weeks I'm starting to flop out a little. I kind of like it, and heck...I'm not going to get any smaller anytime soon so what does it hurt?

Things are going well though, I'm definitely much less tired, my appetite is starting to switch from almost non-exsistent to starving all the time (lord help me), and I'm not sick anymore, and I only have to get up ONCE in the middle of the night to pee. It's funny...I think Bill is having sympathy pees because he has to get up too..hahaha!

I have a doctors appointment next Friday, so I'll eventually update you all on how that goes. I should get to schedule my gender determining ultrasound then too! Yipee!!

Attack of the killer boobs!

Over the next few months you may experience little twinges of "TMI" (Too Much Information) overloads by reading my blog. You've been warned in advance.

After what seemed like an impossibly long amount of time of me feeling like crap, being exhausted all freaking day long, and having all day morning sickness that flared up the most in the evenings, although it was only about two months in all reality, but that SEEMED like forever! Oh my point...I feel better! I don't want to jinx myself or anything but for the last couple of days I have felt mostly normal. My appetite is still small which is probably good and will save me from blowing up like a whale...for now. If I do try to eat too much I get to enjoy the flavor of it for hours after as I burp it up. Yum!

I woke up today with almost a sense of euphoria. I'm officially 13 weeks along as of yesterday. I had the hubbie take me to the mall so I could get my first pair of maternity jeans from Motherhood Maternity. They only had one kind in a long size, but that didn't matter to me. I tried on the jeans and almost cried. Those things would feel great even if you WEREN'T pregnant! Why don't normal jeans feel like this? Get rid of the uncomfortalble waists that make your little muffing tops flop over the tops of your jeans and give us all full panel stretchy material all the way around!! So yes...this small purchase made me very happy. Bill said I should have bought two pairs, but knowing I'll get HUGE I'm waiting until I get bigger to see if they come out with a new style in a couple of months when I actually get my belly and am not just feeling bloated.

Next stop on my shopping spree?? Victoria's Secret! My favorite thing to get in the mail is the free panty cards they send out. If I'm lucky, I get my sisters free panty card too because they still go to my parents house from time to time. Double panty bonus!! But don't tell her...shhhh. So I stopped by Vic's Secret intending on just getting my free panties, but got sidetracked by the bras. I had JUST used one of those free panty cards with the $10 off a new bra not too long ago to buy a new smaller bra because I had lost 10 pounds. That bra no longer fit so I was back in my old one that looked like a thrift store reject and was killing me, and I decided that after all my years of bra wearing I now hated underwire bras. So I bought a new bra too!

The skinny cute little 12 year old working there informed me that they didn't have my size in the NON murderous underwire style that I wanted and suggested I go BIGGER so I had room to grow. Obviously anorexic Annie didn't know that no one wants to buy a bigger anything. So I took the size she suggested and a smaller one. I wish that I had thought to bring a video camera along for this because it was truly entertaining. Being the stubborn person that I am I tried to smoosh into the smaller bra. The bra laughed at me and then spit my boobs back out at me. Mind you this was a 36D bra. Not happening. So I tried on the bigger one and darn it if bulemic Betty wasn't right! It fit loosely but in a comfy way that said "Look! I have extra room for your boobies to grow into me! Aren't they going to be amazing! They'll get huge and together we'll take over the world!"

So I got the crazy huge talking bra and my free panties and there was much rejoicing.

I've also gotten a couple tops from Target and a sweater even though it's still freaking hot in Florida, but the sweater was comfy...and brown...and you know how I loves me some earth tones. I don't really need maternity clothes yet, and still I do. I'm not looking pregnant, just fatter than I already did which THRILLS me to no end. But I know it'll be coming soon.

Hannah is really excited. I was worried she might be jealous but she is full on board with this, more ready to shop than I am, ready to start picking out names. She thinks that if it's a girl it should be Hannah too because I told her that Hannah was my favorite girl name. Hopefully she'll be able to come to the ultrasound at 20 weeks too because she really is very curious about how this all works. Although it is unerrving how she keeps staring at my belly waiting for it to grow.

Anyhooo I'm definitely starting to get excited a little bit and hope that this couple days of feeling better lasts. Aside from a little belly ache as it stretches I'm feeling good. As long as I remember I can't eat a pound of food at at time I may be able to keep the heartburn in check and I guess I'll just graze like a little pregnant cow for the next few months.

Into everyones life a little dead bunny must fall.

Ok so I forgot that I had a blog spot going until I saw my sister's awesome blog spot and thought to myself, hey self...don't you have one of those?

The name of my blog should probably be changed, but it was the name I picked when I started. For those that don't know, I thought I had the flu or some odd stomach bug or some hormonal issue for the longest time because I had all these weird symptoms, but I KNEW I wasn't pregnant because I hadn't missed a period. On September 9th, tired of feeling more and more like death warmed over with a side of all day nausea, I took a pregnancy test. Then I took another. Both were positive before the little pee vapors even hit them I think. It was instant "Yeah you're knocked up!" I went to the health clinic on base the following day and they confirmed it.

They tried to tell me I was only a couple weeks along, but I knew I had been feeling lousy longer than that. A blood test confirmed that my HCG or whatever levels were "Through the roof" and I was definitely at least 2 months. I'm scheduled for a coohcie ultrasound next friday and hopefully we'll have a better idea then. I promise to update when I get the news.

Now you're probably wondering what all this dead bunny stuff is about right? Last night after beating my husband over the head with a pillow and screaming at him to stop playing Peggle because it was almost midnight and I needed my quality sleep I finally drifted off to sleep but had a rough time with it. At some point in the early morning hours I heard what sounded like a horrible ghostly child screaming out for help. My hubbie was jolted out of a deep sleep and launched his naked self right out of bed ready to do battle with whatever it was. I guess he thought it was a dream and went back to sleep.

I told him the next day that I thought the house was haunted and how cool that would be and could we call the Ghost Hunters? Through some pretty amazing detective work he determined that it was not a ghost. Right outside of our bedroom window was a dead little bunny. Man they make the worst dying noises. I still think a ghost left us the dead rabbit as a warning or something. So I may still keep the Ghost Hunters number handy.

I done got hitched!

Well this is just plain cheesy and gay and romantic and all the things that I had always sworn I would never be. I got married this past weekend. Me...the person who swore up and down that hell itself would freeze over before I would ever do anything so insane as to get married again. The same girl that when people said "Hey, I'm getting married" used to say "Oh my goodness I'm so sorry"

That girl got hitched. I tried to fight love with everything in me. I knew that there was no way some guy would ever love me. I'm a mess! But love me he does. And when I tried to push away he pushed right back and made me realize forever could happen. The craziest part is...now that we're married I love him even more. Which is silly. Nothing has really changed. We aren't moving in together for a couple more weeks yet. So this past weekend we got married. He went back home on Sunday night. I won't see him again until next weekend. But something has changed. Something changed that night we got married. I couldn't sleep. I was so happy. I kept waking up and staring at him and thinking "oh my goodness...that's mine" and hoping it WILL be forever.

He sent me a cute picture of himself tonight and I just melted. It wasn't anything special. But I miss him so much already. And that's stupid too! I don't miss things. I don't have feelings. I'm a tough ass biznatch. But that one weekend has changed my world. Even though nothing else has seemed to have changed yet. I know have a lovely collection of sparkly rings on my finger. Me...the girl who HATES jewlery. I spend all day gazing at my rings, straightening them up, thinking I can't possibly go out wearing shiny shiny fancy rings and my usual jeans and a tshirt. Then I think ,heck...I don't want to go out at all.

What the heck has happened to me? I'm happy, I'm girly (god save the queen), and I'm spending my enitire day thinking of ways to make him happy. What is this? It's madness!

Who's a hungry hippo??

I is hungry! Here's my recap of how day two (Wednesday) of the evil Cabbage Soup Diet from hell went. Day two is veggie day. I could eat all of the cabbage soup I wanted along with all of the veggies I wanted with the exception of some veggies, like corn...which is one of the few that I actually like. So I ate my soup and some carrots. That was as much veggie as I could muster up the will to toss into my veggie hating body.

Exercise was absolutely out of the question for the day. I woke up with the girly flu and mind numbing cramps. Usually I grab a bottle of Captain Morgans, mix it with some rum, and drink till my guts stop hurting. But this cramp solution was not on my diet. So I suffered through it. I couldn't even have my usual bowl of dorito's mixed with m&m's or dunked in moose tracks ice cream. Nope. Not on the diet.

For dinner on day two you can have a large baked potato with a little butter. I don't know about you, but that's not a baked potato to me ,so I tossed a little bit of mild cheddar cheese on top. It was enough to just coat the top layer of potato. The part not touched by cheese was dry and bland so I just tossed it inot my soup. I had cut up a yellow squash also and cooked it up. After all that I could barely finish my soup I was so full. That wasn't even very much food.

So day two was tough. I registered absolutely no change in weight for the day. I guess it was good that my weight didn't go up. Otherwise I would have tossed the soup in the trash and that would have been that. I'm glad I made it through day two though because day three showed a bit of a drop in my weight.

Today is day three and it's eat all the fruit AND veggies and cabbage soup you can. Again, I haven't bothered with the veggies even though I know I should. I'd rather go hungry. And oooh how I'm going hungry. Also me and the bathroom are getting to be the best of buddies. No not in the Frawlz way...and if you didn't know he is absolutely obsessed with poop. I'm talking about peeing every hour if I'm lucky enough to hold out that long. I think all the alcohol I've drank over the last few years is getting flushed out of my system and I want it back!

I tried to do some Wii yoga early in the morning but the hunger pangs got the better of me and I gave up on that. I had a lovely breakfast of Cabbage Soup and a half a grapefruit that was smelling so ripe and yummy that I just had to eat it. Knowing that my energy level would be low due to lack of food I went out for a walk right after eating using the food for fuel. When I got back I did some more Wii Fit stuff...mostly boxing and step. I worked up the mother of all sweats too which is strange because I've been doing this routine for a while now and don't usually get all sweaty. Cabbage soup sweat stinks too if you were wondering. Yum.

I put off lunch for as long as possible but finally gave in and had more soup and some fruit. Right now I'm hungry, tired, and starting to get a little cranky. I tried to play some End Wars on Xbox 360 for a little while but my concentration level was down. I'm excited about tomorrow though because it's all you can eat banana and skim milk day!! Yipeeee!!

Check back tomorrow for how the rest of day three went.

I'm cabbalicious!

With less than two weeks left until the end of the Pinkest Loser competition for the SGPink show on http://www.sarcasticgamer.com/ and 6.4 pounds to lose I knew it was time to do something drastic. I had to do something severe. I decided to do the Cabbage Soup Diet. Now, I've done this diet before and it does work IF you can stick to it. Sadly enough I've never been able to. I don't like vegetables and it requires you to eat loads of them.

For those that aren't familiar with this form of dietary torture check out one of the many sites out there like this one. But I'll summarize...basically, for seven days you eat a shit load of cabbage soup. Some days you can eat other stuff like fruit or veggies, one day you even get to gorge on bananas and skim milk. Mostly though, you're just eating cabbage soup.

So yesterday (Tuesday) I started the diet. I had already prepared my soup the day before. Keep an eye out for pictures of the process whenever I get them uploaded. The first day you eat all the fruit you can with all the soup you can. I quickly realized how this diet works. After having cabbage soup for breakfast you no longer get hungry. You'd rather NOT eat than have to eat that. Just kidding. The soup actually turned out great. They say to use a large can of diced tomatoes and I got the kind with basil, garlic, and oregano in it. The soup turned out pretty yummy.

Fruit day was easy enough. I love fruit. My daughter and I went out Monday and picked out pineapple, little oranges ( I think they have a proper name), grapes, and a big bowl of mixed fruit that was wonderful. I choked down the soup for breakfast with a bunch of grapes and some black coffee. Tolerable, but barely so. Sometime after breakfast but before lunch I went for a walk and then did a little Wii Yoga. Lunch time was more soup and a plate of oranges, watermellon, strawberries, and grapes...Yum! By dinner time I was starving and craving protien. But I stuck with it and just had my soup.

We record the Pink Show on Tuesdays and I pretty much always have a drink for that. I brainstormed a bit and came up with the idea to make a smoothie and toss a shot of Pisco in it. Supposedly you can have a glass or two of wine on the first day so I figured this wasn't completely cheating. I made the smoothie with lots of the fresh fruit I had on hand, the shot of pisco, some ice, and a little orange juice. I even tossed in a multi-vitamin for good measure. It tasted great. Unfortunately about halfway through it the liquid was gone (having been sipped through a bendy umbrella straw) and I was left with half a glass of pulp. Blech.

Buzz aquired? Nope not a bit.

I did a crappy job on the show though and feel that was my worst ever. I'll just have to step it up next week. Between all my current life drama, cramps (sorry I'm a chick), starvation, and sobriety my mood wasn't the best.

This morning I dreaded eating the soup. I was already tired of it and my weight was the exact same as the day before. But I figured if I quit now then not only did I starve myself for a day for nothing...what the hell am I going to do with all this leftover soup? So I ate it and I didn't die. Check back tomorrow to see how I did with veggie day.

Trail of poo

I have this useless ability to find a meaning or metaphor in the most random of things. My weekend SUCKED. Flat out SUCKED. It was one of those weekends that makes you question life and humanity in general. A weekend that makes you wonder how people can be so heartless and cruel. So my solution was to pick up a 12 pack of beer on Saturday and try to drink it away. Now...the problem with starting to drink at 1pm is that unless you chug chug chug you aren't going to get a buzzed. Which I did not. Sunday I woke up still angry at the world and angry at myself for not getting drunk the day before. I was also angry that I didn't get drunk AND I cheated on my "diet". So I went for my usual walk and then walked an additional mile or so.
When I was almost done with my walk I came to an area on the sidewalk where a dog had poo'd. It was like a little trail of poop that went a pretty good distance. You go dog! I looked at this trail of poo and thought "Hmmm...this is my life right now" I'm walking down a trail of shit but eventually the shit runs out and it goes back to being just a trail. So I can see this weekend as a poop hiccup so to speak, a little shitty stumbling block..lol.

I won't go into all the details of why my weekend was so wretched...that would be immature and pointless. Man I hate being a grown up some days.



I'm bored with venting now...my head hurts :) Enjoy your day. I need to go find something greasy.

Hangover how I love thee.

There's something special about a really good drunken night. You say things you wouldn't normally say and sometimes lose your entire audio from your podcast. These things happen when too much Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka is involved. And by too much I mean more than half of the 750ml bottle. Yum!

When you wake up the next day with your head throbbing and a thirst that cannot be quenched your mind drifts back to the night before. Did my audacity really crash and take my entire podcast with it? Yes it did.

I have half a bottle of vodka left and two podcasts to attempt to record tonight :) Maybe I'll have another hangover blog for tomorrow too.

Pizza The Hut oh how I hate you

Dear Pizza The Hut,
Listen here you big fat greasy bastard. My diet was going well and then you ruined it!! Or maybe I did. Either way. I do not love you anymore.

No love,
Jax

Anyhow. We now only have three weeks of our Sarcastc Gamer Pinkest Loser competition and I'm not doing very well. Temptation is not my friend. So this week I'm hitting it hard. Eating healthy and exercising if it'll stop raining.

I guest starred on another podcast the other weekend and it's out now http://outoflives.com/?p=300 So check it out. I had a good time doing it. I leaked my secret to getting me to listen to your podcast if you have one. Our podcast is out this week too at www.sarcasticgamer.com the PINK show. I think Episode 15 is one of our best to date. If you haven't listened yet PLEASE check this one out and tell me what you think. Or else we won't be friends anymore.

There's not much else exciting going on to report in my life this week. I'm still unemployed. I drank one night last week which isn't too bad. Just three beers...three lovely import pints of yummy wonderful delicious beer. Must stop thinking about beer! It's raining outside so I'm glad I got my walk/jog in at 8am today. Um....yeah...no inspiration. I'm going to go find a blanket and some more coffee and do what comes naturally on a rainy day. Play Animal Crossing City Folk and do nothing.

Sober = Boring

There is something less fun about things when you're not having a few beers in the evening. I'm in the middle of this Sarcastic Gamer Pink show Biggest Loser Competition and it's not fun let me tell you. If anyone is reading this that doesn't know about my podcast there's a link up there, go look for the SGPink show and get caught up on what I've been doing the last few months with them. I'm one part of a three girl show that airs every Thursday. We talk about games, life, and whatever else I can squeeze in that Dave doesn't edit out. They want me to start writing articles twice a week now too so we'll see how that goes.

But I was talking about not drinking and the competition. We had the great idea to try and drop 10 pounds before we go to the Community Vibes event in Miami on February 21st. Somehow it turned into an even more crazy idea and we turned it into a competition using Wii Fit. Loser has to do some silly cheerleading video thingy. So for the past few weeks I've been trying to cut back on my drinking. I did horribly the first week. The second week I did much better and now that I'm into week three I've gone stone cold sober. I'm completely lost. There are no drunken Full Auto nights, or drunken Rock Band nights on Xbox Live. Around 9 or 10 pm I go to bed because I can't think of anything to do. For goodness sake I'm getting 8 HOURS of sleep a night!!

I'd like to say that all of this is paying off and I'm dropping pounds left and right. But that's not happening. I went out today and bought healthier food. I suppose I'll try eating it and maybe that will work. It can't kill me right? Well, it's only Monday. I did spend Saturday hungover so we'll see how this week goes. I'd ask my friends for diet tips but I'm still unemployed and flat out broke so I can't even afford to go out and pick up more food. Woe is me...lol.

This is the life of a poor, sober gamer. Ain't it grand?