Rocking Good Night, Rocking Great Day

Last night I had the great honor of hosting a room for the Xbox Live Community Playdate with my friends at The Married Gamers. They're all great people and I was flattered that they asked me to participate. After having many bad experiences gaming with people on Xbox Live I've kind of avoided it for a while, but I was pleasantly surprised that everyone I played with was awesome. Sure, there were some people that didn't get the whole idea of how the game night worked. One kid didn't even own the game and was waiting for me to invite him to play, another didn't have an XBL Gold subscription, and I did have to report one person for his "Wanna see my...?" message in my inbox. But for the most part I had a blast.

An hour or two before the gaming started I fired up the Xbox and spent about all of the 1800 MS points I had on new songs. Oddly enough I didn't get a chance to play any of them during the game night, do people not like country songs? My oldest daughter and I played (SHE likes country) for an hour before I realized I should probably not exhaust my voice before the night starts. Hailey even played along with us nicely thanks to me giving her the Little Tikes guitar I had planned to use as a Christmas present. This is a great guitar if you have a toddler that likes to play along with you, definitely worth the money. I picked mine up for only $9.99.

After we were done with our game night I recorded with the others that participated and that podcast should be up by Sunday, I'll try and post the link if I decide to blog again. Don't want to make too much of a habit of it.

If last night was great, today was even better. I had my stepdaughters over and our day was filled with Rock Band playing (them not me) and me serving up an awesome do it yourself sub buffet, and for dinner a "season your own chicken wing" buffet. The kids really liked picking their own flavors and the honey soy sauce creation was the favorite for me and Ashley. The other girls lack creativity and adventure and just stuck to BBQ sauce.

We watched the movie Beneath the Blue while we did lunch. The movie has crummy reviews and it is a cheesy predictable movie, but the kids all loved it and wouldn't stop talking about it during and after watching. It has to do with dolphins and young love or something like that.

After dinner we watched The Smurfs and chowed down on some fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, I forgot how great those things are right out of the oven! The Smurfs was the winning choice of the day. All the kids were excited to watch it and Hailey even sat still for most of it, taking short breaks to beat the dog and the other kids with her princess wand. ( I didn't give her that thing...)

I even got a great present from Grandma Sally. A tshirt and kitty from The Big Bang Theory :) I'd post pictures but I'm too lazy right now, if you're on my facebook you've already seen them as most of the people I care to share my real life with are on there anyhow.

I ended my day off with a bubble bath, a good book (thanks again Grandma Sally) and am now going to try and get a little WOW time in before bed. Night everyone and thanks for those of you who love me no matter what :)

The Perfect Housewife

I recently recorded with a new podcast this week. I had tried to work my whole day out so that the kids would be asleep and I'd have some time for a glass of wine and my favorite show to unwind before recording. But instead I had one of those long stressful days that I am trying to get used to since my husband has been gone. The baby is teething and not napping, my oldest is on strike from cleaning her room and angry at me for taking away her video games so she was giving me extra attitude that day. In addition to all that I was mad about some other things and royally pissed at my Astronomy Lab assignment (what else is new right?).

I may not have been my best on the show, but I'm new and it takes some time to get into a groove, time for people to get to know my personality and for me to know the personality of the others on the show. For the most part being on a new show should be a fun experience. However as soon as you put yourself out there you fall victim to comments and negativity.

Having spent 3 years on SGPink I never knew what it was like to be a new person on a show. I have a whole new respect for every girl we brought on over the years and what they must have gone through. I was nervous, petrified actually of screwing up so I was more abrasive and more Jax than I normally am and it was too much. I rubbed a few people the wrong way and stuck my foot in my mouth which is something I am unfortunately quite good at doing. For the most part, I thought the show was great. You don't realize as you're recording what a show sounds like until it's all put together. It really was a good show.

What I hate though is all the dumb comments you get from people who don't know a thing about you. I know they should never be taken seriously but one just rubbed me wrong:

"As a married women with children, I always put my family above gaming. It’s a hobby for me, it appears to be her JOB!!"

Now I am never going to be housewife of the year, but those who know me know this is the biggest load of crap on the planet. I am a stay at home Mom which you'd think would allow me more time for gaming but in all honesty...it really does not. I will get my AA degree in a couple weeks, a degree I earned while going through a pregnancy, then raising a baby, surviving a huge move for my husband and our FIVE children, and have spent the majority of this semester with a husband who has been too far away to help. I am on the honor roll, as are my children, we have even taken the time over the last couple months to raise a huge chunk of money doing the Breast Cancer walk last month AND the Extra Life fundraiser which benefits sick children. I cook real meals, I have a clean house, and I've spent the last couple days getting crafts and fun meals planned for a weekend sleepover party.

I WISH gaming were my job, I wish I had more time to play. During the daytime I might get a little gaming in, but it's all about the kids. Luckily my kids also love games which means I get to game with them. But to say all I do is game is silly. I've put 8 hours into Saints Row since I got it, and probably barely that much time into Skyrim. I don't get to go out. Gaming is my release, my break from my day once the kids have gone to bed and the toys have been picked up.

I will admit that I screwed up and didn't really portray myself the way I want people to see me. I really am a good person as my friends all know, I'm just not sure why I don't want the whole world to see that me. This has been an eye opener for me, and I know I have some things to work on. I am not perfect, for the most part I'm a big fat screw up, but don't call me a bad mom.

MMO's aren't supposed to be lonely

I've been playing Rift for quite a few months now and I really like the game. For those that don't know what it is, it's a PC game...google it if you want details. I was previously playing WOW which was my very first experience with an online MMO and I really liked it. I was in a good guild with chatty people who were always around to lend a hand.

I'm not having the same experience in Rift. I was lucky when I started WOW to have a good friend from the forums at SarcasticGamer.com to guide me through things and to lead me into the guild with the really cool people. I don't have the same thing in Rift.

So my question is, how does one make friends in an MMO? I'm really not good at it at all.

Last night, had my credit card been within reach I probably would have purchased another month of WOW and started playing again. I really do like the game, I just never have time to play so I let that subscription go in order to play Rift...which I got for free :) But I've only got a couple more "free" months to go on Rift and although I like the game, I am not liking the lonely part of it. I don't want to wander around alone, fighting monsters, riding my demon...er ember...steed around with my feather in my hat and my little doggy companion by my side...alone.

Well at least I have my pets right?

The Relay Race of Life

When did life become so much like a relay race? You start with one task, and hurry to get to the next, and the next, all in an effort to get to the end with everything done and then what? Do you win a prize? No, you wake up and run the race all over again. Sometimes we all need to slow down, to not run the race for just a day, and to enjoy life.

My days are so much like a relay race it's making me sick. Wake up, make coffee, fix breakfast, clean, juggle fussing baby, make lunch, make dinner, clean, fit in time for half-assing my schoolwork, squish in a few minutes of gaming here and there, think about writing articles, working on my podcast, trying to do SOMETHING that makes me feel like me instead of a maid and a housewife and a slave basically.

This is why I think gaming is important for me at least. It's that one time during the day where you can step out of the race and just do things that aren't that important. I like this blog for that too, but again...where's the time? I haven't been gaming very much. It seems like such a frivolous thing to do when there are more important things that "have" to be done.

I'd like to state for the record that in the five minutes I've been working on this blog entry I've had to stop once to answer a phone call for my husband (why they keep calling me I don't know), and a second time to answer the door because the power people are coming out to install a meter. The dog is still barking under her breath at the man who was at the door and if she wakes up the baby during her one nap of the day so help me....

Ahem...

Gaming. I need it, it's my hobby, it's my release and I miss it. I've been trying to game a little more this week, hopping on Rift the last two nights and playing for a couple hours. Funny thing is, it helped knock me out of the fog I've been in for the last couple weeks when I WASN'T gaming. So I guess my point is that it's important to do things you like, or else you're just another zombie housewife going through the motions.

Another thing I love and that makes me happy is the podcast I've been recording for nearly three years at SarcasticGamer.com and now I'm having to let that go. There isn't any time. I've been half-assing it and it's shown, and instead of continuing to not give it the attention it deserves, I've left...and I've killed it in the process. I feel horrible about it, but I just can't keep up with everything. I hope that some day in the future I'll have more time for podcasting, and gaming, and writing, and being JAX :) But for now...I'm so overwhelmed I can't even explain it.

We're set to move in two weeks to our new house and I'm mostly excited about it. I'm not thrilled at the prospect of the moving process and the moving in process. I've got enough on my plate as it is and the added "FUN" of a move is making me want to crawl in a hole with a bottle of Captain Morgan and my laptop and never come out.

So if you can't find me, that's where I'll be...until my next blog.

The Dog Blog - How we found our Angel (Gag)

*Warning*
This particular blog entry has nothing to do with gaming. I'll do more of a gaming blog later this week...maybe...ok probably not. I did pick up LA Noire this morning though so maybe I'll chat about that. This blog is all about our new dog :)

For the last few years I have been stalking PetSmart on the weekends because I love looking at the dogs. I've seen hundreds of dogs and never been overly tempted to take one home, until this weekend. Here was this fairly big brown dog just laying in her crate not moving, not showing emotion, just gazing off as if she was defeated and just didn't care. I tried to talk to her and was pleased with her casual indifference towards me. I can respect a good snob. Hannah got down and said "Hi" and darned if the dog didn't sit right up, sniff her nose, and then flop back down into her previous lackluster pose.

We kept walking around, looking at other dogs, the kids even took one out for a walk outside. While walking a very hyper white puppy Hannah said to me "This dog is nice, but Mommy I like Angel". Thinking she was just a normal kid who just wanted a dog I wanted to know WHY she liked her. So I asked. Her answer?

"Mommy her eyes spoke to me."

Well, who can say no to that? So we went back over to stare at this dog with her sad eyes and she was still just laying and not moving. I asked the volunteers if there was something wrong with her, and they assured me that she had a clean bill of health and was just lost in that store with all the people.

We left PetSmart and went to lunch, not wanting to make a rush decision. Bill is out of town for training so I sent him some messages giving him a chance to talk me out of it. Also, we were in Gainesville for the weekend at my parent's house, so we had to make sure they were ok with us possibly bringing a dog back for a sleepover.

None of us ate very much of our lunch, we just wanted to get back to Angel and make her part of our family. I'm proud of us for slowing down and talking first. After we paid our check we rushed right back to PetSmart.

The kids walked Angel around the store while I filled out paperwork and was interviewed to make sure I wasn't a serial dog killer. Although Angel walked around with her tail between her legs, we did find out that she is one smart dog. She sat when the kids told her to sit, and layed down, and they claim she rolled over on command too, but to me it just looked like she wanted her belly rubbed.

You're probably curious about what kind of dog she is. Angel is a 4 year old mutt :) She's a lovely mix of Retriever, Labrador, and Austrailian Cattle Dog, and she weighs in at a hefty 59 pounds. Luckily she's already full grown and I think that's a good size for us. She's calm, and lazy which I like because there's no way I could deal with a puppy in addition to everything else.

Oh, and did I mention we saved her life?

Whlie the people who rescued her from the "pound" didn't know her whole story, they did have her rap sheet which showed that she had been to the Humane Society THREE times in her life. Once as a puppy and then almsot every two years. To me it just sounds like she was a college student's dog and they tend to see pets as disposable things to play with while they're away at school and then return when they get their degree and go back home.

Her third visit was to be her last though as she was on the list to be euthanized (or so they claimed). That could have been a plot to further tug on our heartstrings, either way it worked, and she's ours.

She hopped right in the car when we took her home. She and Gracie (My parents dog) took a little while to get used to each other, but by the time we left the next day they were fast friends.

Angel did amazingly well on the long car ride home. We stopped for her to walk, eat, drink, etc four times. She refused to pee.

We made it home and walked her again, still no pee...lol. She sniffed out her new house, already looking 100 times perkier than the lost dog we found at PetSmart, and growled at me in a nice way. I'm guessing she was telling me she was happy.

She's settling in well. She lays at my feet no matter where I am. I did find this a bit unnerving when I wanted to go to the bathroom...:) She's great with the baby and so far they are ignoring each other. The cat has only tried to attack her twice, which is funny because the cat has no claws but poor Angel is still frightened of her and whimpers and hides behind me. Some tough dog she is, huh?

She helped me wake Hannah up for school this morning. She walked right in and gave her a kiss on the head and made Hannah's day. We let her ride with us to take Hannah to school, and Angel was confused when Hannah got out and kept looking for her in the car.

I don't know how fate worked out to drop her into our lives but I'm glad it happened. It seems like she's always been here already, and she is fitting right in. I can't wait for Bill to get home and meet her, and for his girls to as well...they're going to be so excited. It feels like she rounds off our family quite nicely. She's a clingy dog and needs a lot of love and attention and seems perfect for our huge family. I don't think she would do well in a house with just a couple people, but here she will have her fill of attention and love :)

Welcome home Angel!

Blah, Blah, Blah

Blah kind of sums up the way I've been feeling lately. I completely forgot just how fun it is to chase a "pre-toddler" around. I have the feeling that Hailey is completely capable of walking. She however is a diva of a baby and figures that she has people to do that for her. It's almost as if she starts walking and then decides it's just not worth the effort and she goes back to crawling.

Sounds like she has a case of the "blah's" too.

Hubbie is off for some training in Virginia, which is probably just secret military code for some guy retreat touring the strip clubs of Las Vegas or something. Who am I to question him? While he's gone I'm enjoying a couple weeks of not shaving my legs, fixing my hair, or brushing my teeth.

I'm kidding...that's nasty...I'm totally fixing my hair.

I'm making progress on my goals, but not as quickly as I had hoped. In my defense it seems like fate, or whatever it is that throws off your plans, is screwing with me. This is no big suprise as I am all to familiar with drama. Drama and I like to take long walks on the beach and hold hands and skip and stuff...we're cool like that. But sometimes it seems like drama is being a little too suffocating in our relationship.

Take this week for example. On Monday morning I tell Hannah that we're going to start taking walks each day after school. The weather is gorgeous right now and we just had to take advantage of it. No sooner had the words come out of my mouth when I noticed we had a herd of prison workers trimming trees in our neighborhood. Who wants to walk with their families when there are prisoners with tree choppers roaming around? They've been here all week.

Then, this morning I'm in the middle of watching Hailey toss the lovely breakfast I made her onto the floor one peice at a time while she says "Uh-oh" when the power goes out. I blame the tree-trimming convicts for that one. With no power and not much else planned for the day I decided to take Hailey to daycare and hit the gym for an hour. It inspired an article that I posted today to sarcasticgamer.com...you can read that here if you'd like.

Now I'm all motivated and finally getting to the gym again. My application for drop off daycare for Hailey had just been accepted yesterday, and the power outage Gods had motivated me to go, so I was going to just keep on going. After we get home I notice Hailey is acting kind of cranky, and feeling a little toasty. Seriously...did a freaking hour at daycare make her sick? I realize it doesn't work that way, but sure enough she's got a fever of 100.

So no gym for tomorrow, and most likely we'll spend all weekend sick instead of spending it with Ethan. You're killing me here drama :{

I have been gaming more though, and writing more. I'm pretty pleased with myself on that note. Classes started up this week and I have been going crazy trying to keep up with the house and the crazy baby, helping Hannah reach her reading goal at school, sort the house out (Did I mention we're moving soon?) and watering the dead grass Bill bought for the yard that isn't our own.

Articles for this week:

1.) My gym article (See up there somewhere)

2.) Ubisoft Goes Hollywood I'm not excited about the prospect of more video game movies because they all suck to me, but I was thrilled to hear about the upcomming Raving Rabbids cartoons :)

3.) I picked up Lego Pirates of the Carribean

4.) A little Fiction Friday article complete with a hilarious bathroom interview!

5.) And yet another iPhone review

If you happen to read any of those articles please leave a random comment in the comment section on THAT website.

I've been playing a ton of RIFT. There is a new "Ascend a Friend" program so if you or someone you know has been wanting to try it please let me know and I will send you a free 7 day trial. It's a great PC game and I'd be playing it right now if my damned mouse hadn't died AGAIN. I can't game with a wired mouse, it just feels wrong.

In regards to our future moving and living arrangements we did make an offer on a house last week, and it was accepted. Of course drama isn't making it a simple and pain-free process so everyone please keep their fingers crossed that things work out well for us.

I could write more, but I figure you're bored and I could be doing more important things like playing Zuma Blitz and posting an insanely high score that my husband will never beat, because it makes me happy :)

Game On!

Look! I'm blogging again, like I said I would! Amazing huh? I also wrote articles, like I said I would for the site. Here are links to the ones that went out this week if you want to see how amazing my writing skills are not:
1.) Info on Redbox expanding their $2 video game rental whatevers...

2.) Portal 2 price drop...do we blame PSN hackers?

3.) Lego Pirates of the Caribbean demo and who's the hotter Lego? Jack Sparrow or Will Turner?

I also got a PC game to review, that I'm no where close to done with, and an iphone game as well. Look for those next week.

And I guess that brings me to another topic. My cell phone has finally entered the whatever century this is. Gone is the dated old slide phone that I had been carrying around for two years that my sister lovingly refered to as "oooh so cute" and always asked me "What does it do?" To which I would always reply "nothing" and then pout.

One night last week I picked up my phone to be a proper nagging wife and ask him why he wasn't home yet as I was cleaning up the dinner I had slaved over which was now icy cold (Chinese food...tough work to drive to get it) and realized my phone didn't work. I was secretly hoping he had gotten all the hints I had dropped about what I wanted for my birthday. And by hints I mean constantly complaining for the last couple years that everyone has a cool phone and mine stinks! Then I would pout and stomp my feet. Hey, it works for the kids.

So yes, I got a brand new beautiful iphone 4. I'm still trying to figure everything out on it, but I'm loving it! Now I can play games on the computer and also on my iphone AT THE SAME TIME!!

Even more good news is that I took my final final today. My semester sucked total balls and I'm dissapointed in my grades, but I survived and am still smiling and alive so that's the important thing. I'm waiting on one final grade to come in which should be an A. I got a crappy B (and one B+) in my other three classes. Which is kind of good because I was sure I would get a C in math. So that part makes me slightly happy.

I have been gaming a bit more and having a blast doing it. Overall it's been a good week. Hubbie and I had a little forced together time this week while we watched The Green Hornet, which was pretty amusing and had us laughing out loud. Last week we watched The King's Speech which was also fairly amusing and a great (and mostly true) story. My Intro to Exceptionalities (or whatever that class was called) teacher suggested it because the King had a stutter, and I agree that it was good to watch.

Hmmm...what else? Oh my Birthday is tomorrow! Did all of you go to www.yougotbeer.com and send a beer to jaxboxchick@gmail.com ? You did get me a present right? I love that site, you can send someone a gift card for a "beer" and only spend like $6 and make someone's day. For when you can't be there to take them out for a drink, yougotbeer.com!

Since it is my birthday AND Mother's Day I booked us a room at the Hard Rock at Universal Studios Orlando. We'll go ride roller coasters and swim in the pool and chillax all weekend. Good stuffs.

Tune in next week for more blah blah blah's by me.

Rain, rain go away...

I've decided to make an effort to blog at least once a week. I'm not sure if I'll stick with it or not, because I always set goals and then give up but you never know. Maybe I'll actually follow through on this one. I mean, how hard can it be to sit here and type some total crap once a week?

I left everyone with some pretty depressing news last blog. I'd like to say that immediately after I posted my blog that life got back to normal, but as it always goes when things go wrong, things just seem to keep going wrong. My "experience" didn't end swiftly and I found myself dealing with bloodtests and emotions and hormonal imbalances for an entire month after that. But finally it seems that things are getting back to semi-normal for me.

Or so I thought...

Aside from the drama surrounding family members with health issues that I'm not supposed to talk about, I got a call today that my Grandmother is in the hospital. That sucks, but I haven't heard yet as to why she's in the hospital so for now I'm going to pretend it's nothing major and that she'll come home all happy and healthy very soon.

But that's not all...

My military hubbie is up for new orders this year, right? We were hoping to get back to Jacksonville but that wasn't a reality. So we figured we'd settle for staying where we are in Pensacola for a couple more years, and that was looking really good. Until it didn't happen. You know what did happen???

Yokosuka,JAPAN...for two years.

Now we get to figure out how to work this the best way. Obviously we both have exes and kids with exes and can't drag everyone with us so where does that leave us? Who knows. There are a lot of tough decisions to be made and regardless of what we all decide is right for our family, there will be some pain and heartache associated with whatever choice is made for all of us.

So since this year has been tremendously awful for me I sat down and thought of a way to get out of my rut. I wasn't gaming much, health/emotional issues caused me to stop caring about my weight loss goals for the year, and life was just plain depressing me. So my starter plan is to do more things for me. Goals include:

1.) Blog once a week.
I really do enjoy blogging.

2.) Get back to the gym.
My weight loss goals are still attainable for the year, but I'm going to have to want it...badly.

3.) GAME MORE!
Where is the me that used to stay up until 2am playing games and laughing and chatting with friends? I miss her, I miss my games. There's no time during the day with school and baby to fit in any real gaming so I'm going to make an effor to play a little more at night time. It's hard though, because hopping in bed with hubbie always looks sooo tempting. But I'm going to try to play more...with games...not hubbie...he'll still be there in the morning.

4.) Work harder on my podcast.
If anyone doesn't know by now that I've been doing a podcast at sarcasticgamer.com for over two years now then shame on you. We lost a co-host recently (more bad news) and have been hunting a new one. So that made us stop and think about how to switch up the show and make it better because I DO love our little show and I think we could become something even more amazing. I hope we get the opportunity to prove that.

What this all means is of course I'm still going to be super mom and super student and take care of things that need to be taken care of, but I didn't die when I got remarried...I didn't stop being me...and I still need to do things that I enjoy also or else what fun is life?

Now that I have all of that out of the way I promise to at least blog next week, and this time...I'll actually talk about games some.

I am playing the heck out of Rift for PC right now, and currently have my "toon" up to level 27.

Trying not to care

Maybe it's too soon to be posting this kind of post, and mabye I'll delete it later...but it's my blog and blogs are for pouring your heart out, right? So I'm using my first post of the year to post the most depressing and miserable news I can think of because I think I'll feel better when I'm done. This is my space, and if you don't like to hear unhappy things then please just don't read it. This is my cleansing and getting it out of my system.

We were pregnant again :) Not planned but we were very excited at the prospect of bringing yet another adorably insanely smart baby into the world. I won't go into long details, because it's my blog and I don't have to. Long story short my pregnancy hormone HCG whatever levels aren't doing what they're supposed to. On Wednesday they were 184 and today they are 178. They're supposed to double..not go down. Going down means bye bye baby.

Hubbie left town before I got the results so I'm having to process this in my own way. Somehow sitting in a bubble bath crying my eyes out didn't make me feel any better so I dried off, admired how adorable I look with a puffy face and those swollen crying lips, and sat down to blog.

There are people that will say that a pregnancy after only a couple weeks isn't a real pregnancy. Those people are entitled to their opinion. I was pregnant. We started to think about how awesome it would be to have another baby. We tried to figure out what vehicle could possible transport our family if we had yet another child. Do we get an economy van? A limo? A short bus? What do people do when they have that many children??

I was commended for being of "sound mind" today by a nurse after having my blood drawn for my postive attitude regarding all of this. That was when I still had hope that this pregnancy would be a viable one. If that nurse had seen what a blubbering idiot I was this evening she might have retracted that statement.

Did I want another baby? Hell no!
Did I want another baby? Ok...hell yeah. But now there will be no more babies, and I have a new respect for any woman who has gone through a loss. What you don't realize when you're accepting the fact that you might be losing your baby is that it doesn't end when you get the results of your blood work back saying you're about to have a miscarriage. The baby doesn't instantly dissapear. I have no idea how long this whole process is going to take. In the meantime I still have kids to take care of, classes to attend, papers to write, and other family issues and drama to deal with.

So I'm going to keep my strong face on, and get all my crying out this weekend. But this post will remain so that people will know I'm not a totally unfeeling person and yes this is killing me right now and yes I am dealing with it alone and I thank God for rum and girl scout cookies and video games because they're a great distraction until you find yourself roaming around in World of Warcraft and you have no clue where you're supposed to go next :) I will get through this, as I have gotten through all the other crappy stuff in my life. I was hoping this was something I would never have to deal with, but it just seems that this is the trend in my life. Anything bad that can happen will...even when you try to avoid it.