This blog is still here and so am I. It's never been for anyone else. I've never tried too much to push it on social media or else it would be super famous because social media is my jam. I'm also super humble always. This has just been a fun place for me to dump out my thoughts and I forgot about doing that for a while. I enjoy having a place to do that and maybe I'll post here more...but knowing me I'll probably forget about it again for a couple of years. So why am I posting again?

It's a little after 11 pm on the evening before I turn 40. That's one of those age numbers that I always thought was just...so old. I don't feel old. I'm seriously sitting here right now in an Iron Man night shirt surrounded by video games. Outside my room my little sister and a friend from high school are sleeping on a pull out couch that they swear is comfortable if you find the right spot. My little sister brought along her two babies ages two and Elise who just turned four a few days ago and inspired this trip because she wants all you can eat crab legs.

I'm living near Myrtle Beach now. It's beautiful here and there are a lot of fun things to do, and apparently a lot of all you can eat crab leg places. I'm excited to challenge my niece to a crab leg eating contest tomorrow. And as silly as it sounds, I am happy that I am streaming tomorrow too. I absolutely want to get up early and do things with family, but the fact that I'm getting to showcase a new game to my friends is just always fun. I insisted on a few hours for streaming on my birthday. My Twitch community is my family. I wake up five days a week and chat with friends, and I miss the shit out of it when I'm not there. There are times I wish I didn't have other things to do so I could be there more often. It's a wonderful addiction.

In regards to turning 40 I've always joked about being 25, or some random age younger than my actual age. I've actually shifted my way of thinking about age stuff lately. 40 when I was growing up meant somethng completely different than the reality of me at 40. I'm still a mess, I still love video games, I have been dream chasing for a while but only in the past year decided to hit it hard. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm tingling with anticipation because I feel like I'm on the cusp of something epic.

I've learned a lot about life and myself over the last fourty years. I most recently learned that not giving up on what you want pays off. Fight for that thing you want. If you have a dream, chase it. Do you know how many years you get in life? NO one does. Choose how you spend yours wisely. I took a chance and am doing the most untraditional train wreck of a thing imaginable.

The path I am on scares the shit out of me on a regular basis, but I am not faltering. This makes me happy. This gives me more time with my kids. I'm going to continue to work my ass off and fight for what I want.