It's a Pterygium, not a hangover...at least this time.

See that funky slash of red veiny gross across my left eye? No...it's not a hangover...it's a pterygium. There are medically noted reasons for getting them, but for the most part it has to do with exposing your eyes to sunlight, dust, UV rays and in my case, as the eye doctor guy told me...staring at screens too long. This may be something future generations of gamers have to deal with, or hopefully it will make parents more aware that their children need to learn about proper eye care at a younger age. Sunglasses are good...don't screw up your kids eyes.

Ok, lie to me and tell me this isn't gross. I know that no one is trying to be hurtful, but I am so tired of people asking if I'm hungover or if I got scratched in the eye by a lanyard at a gaming event. I've actually been on internships where I was asked by a peer if I had a "rough night out" the night before and I explained myself, but wondered how many times people didn't ask and just assumed that I was hungover.

Here are my (crooked) eyes when I look in the opposite direction of the growth on my eye. Mostly normal...

And here's the other direction. the growth overlaps the cornea (colored part) of my eye. I was told to be glad I had light colored eyes. Otherwise it would be more apparent. If I get too tired or do too much outside with the kids, or on the computer/gaming it gets crazy inflamed, itchy and overlaps my eye to where it's blurry.

I was told that removal was a possibility but that there was a chance it would flare up again, even worse.

So what would you do? The thought of eye surgery creeps me out, but this hurts, and is possibly keeping me from being taken seriously.

Lonely...and yet...

 So I'm in one of those phases, where I just can't seem to put on a happy face. Normally, I have this ability to smile no matter how bad things are. To be able to snap a picture and make everyone think life is all sunshine and roses. But tonight...I couldn't even fake a smile.

 I tried...I failed. I tried again, and got even more sad that I haven't been able to shake off all the bad feelings I've had lately. Feelings I'd love to share with everyone, but can't...things that are making my heart ache so badly that I can't share with everyone, just my closest friends.

 And then I remembered what was over my shoulder. My silly little geeky shrine that I have built for myself. Something I have pieced together and jumbled up in a little space that makes me happy when I look at it.

 My hot mess of a desk :) The desk I sanded down and painted, that serves no other purpose currently other than housing my junk, and a printer because the internet STINKS in my bedroom...

 There's that picture of my sister and our friend Kim from my wedding. They were there for the night before the wedding, and saw what went down. I had a blast visiting them both this summer, seeing my sister be a mother for the first time, and Kim living in a million dollar house for a couple weeks looking happy and making me miss her so badly.

 My book collection, with the portal bookends my sister sent me for Christmas. The autographed book from Dan Amrich, and other books with special notes from family members, my favorite being the Shitty Mom book from Aunt Cindi, and also some Prima game books.

 My media badge wall of shame, reminding me that I go to events but don't feel like I belong there. I speak to people, but never write...afraid what I have to say won't be good enough, but still know that one day...I will break free and believe in myself and make this all happen.

 The Wall-nut in a martini glass...because...that's just where it ended up...

 My birthday monkey from someone I am so glad I met, and even though we weren't a good match we remained friends and sometimes have lunch, dinner, or chilled white wine on a summer day. And one year he gave me a monkey for my birthday and I love it and will never let it go.

 My Maw, the first piece of swag I ever got at the first gaming event I ever attended. I wrote a review for Sarcastic Gamer, superimposing Lono's face into Maw's mouth, and have loved Twisted Pixel and their crew ever since.

 Mah Plants vs Zombies hat. I gave it to my son, but he kept leaving it places, so I took that shiznit back!!

 My soft kitty, sleepy kitty, little ball of fur that my Mother-in-Law sent me along with the shirt. I'm so glad she came into my life. She is an amazing woman, and such a fun person to be around.

And a small part of my PC wall of shame. Games I bought, there are so many, that I never get to play...but want to oh so badly.

Life has been pooping on me lately, and also sending good things my way. I wish I could share the bad, and get it off my chest and revel in the good. But I know that things happen for a reason. I also know that surrounding myself with good people and memories of the good times will keep me smiling even when it feels like I have no smiles left in me.

And

The Mommy Gamers 39: Hanging With MightyMeCreative








The Mommy Gamers are joined by MightyMeCreative, aka MMC, a Kinect Game Play Dancer, Fashion Product Designer and mother to an adorable 7-month-old baby boy. With over 10 million views on her YouTube page, we decided to pick her brain about how to make a great video. Marcia and Desirai are really excited about the fall TV show lineup, but not as excited about the new trend of dressing homeless people in Abercrombie & Fitch clothing. With summer vacations coming up the ladies discuss their thoughts on the moral aspects of paying handicapped people to get you to the front of the lines at theme parks, and how “Pinterest Stress” is affecting many women.

You can subscribe to The Mommy Gamers podcast for FREE on iTunes. Remember to follow them on Twitter, and Facebook too!

The Mommy Gamers 38: Kickstart my Cardboard Forest

 In this week's episode of my amazing podcast, Desirai  and I are joined by Daddy gamer Jeff Hanna, a veteran in the gaming industry.  Jeff's prior works at EA, Sony and most recently Deep Silver Volition still fail to impress me as much as the fun "weapon" he created for Saint's Row: The Third. 

This weapon is also part of the reason for the explicit tag on this episode. Our strange trio of gamers discuss some great indie games such as Monaco and Kerbal Space Program, Plants vs Zombies 2 (Finally), and if WOW seems lonelier after losing nearly two million subscribers.

 Because this is a podcast by parents, for parents, we also discuss micromanaging your children's lives and what video game ratings mean for different parents. There is more, so very much more, but you will have to listen for the rest.

Monday Motivation...Ugh.

I created this mental stigma I use to convince myself if I do not start on my goals for fitness, diet, cleaning the house, being better organized...whatever...all of it...on Monday, I can put everything off until next Monday.  I have discussed this elusive "next Monday" thing a few times for anyone who has followed my pointless ramblings on here, on Facebook, on MyFitnessPal, etc.

So here I am in that fish bowl on the right, swimming along with the other little unmotivated Monday fishies that are playing on Facebook or doing something equally unproductive. Will I make the jump today?  Where can I find the inspiration?

And in asking myself these questions I realize that I already have the inspiration, I am just in denial, and maybe if I write it all out I can go back and read this blog post to get back on track.  Because honestly, this is all the same stuff that pops up again and again for me and the cycle has to stop.  So, how about I write out some of these excuses?

*I don't have time to work out

Lie
I could be at the free gym up the road right now.  The kids are at school and all I have to do is slap on my workout clothes and go.  And really...Hailey is old enough now to go play on the playground with her big sister while I workout in the building next to it. I could take the kids on a walk to the park after school, or take our fat arthritic lazy dog on a walk.  I could fire up Dance Central like I told Kelly from TheMarriedGamers I would and do some challenges with her.

*I will eat better tomorrow

But...why not eat better today?

*There's no healthy food in the house, I'll go shopping tomorrow.

There are healthy things, I'd just rather eat the non-healthy ones. I always say I'm going to plan out a healthy menu for the week, go shopping and have all the things in the house to stay on track.  But then I convince myself that maybe I won't want the thing I planned for dinner, so it's just easier to grab whatever I want each night from the store, but of course it gets later in the day and it's so much easier to go to Panera and not have to cook or clean...

*I have too many other things to do.

This one...this one right here is the main killer of all motivation.

I am always going to have too many things to do, but do I feel good about myself when I sit here and do nothing?  Absolutely not!  But it's easy for me to sit here and get bogged down by my to do list. Right now I am not happy with myself for getting off track on my goals.  The yard needs mowed, my garden is a wreck, the house needs cleaned, laundry needs done, there are a million things I could be doing for my website The Mommy Gamers to make it better, I could be trying to earn money with my Thirty-One business that I have kind of left stagnant, and I think if I continue to make this list I  might have a panic attack.

Even my website logo is annoying me today, how is she juggling all these things and still SMILING? I want to punch her in her face.

So instead of doing anything, I do nothing.  Time to break the cycle.  If you have suggestions of what works for you PLEASE share them with me.  I'm tasking myself with not saying "I'll try" and instead will actually DO things today.

I already logged into MyFitnessPal, logged the breakfast I shouldn't have eaten, stopped avoiding the bathroom scale and logged my weight.  I gave myself a brief moment to mourn the weight I had lost and gained back, and to be disappointed in myself for eating like a hog this morning.  I can't go back and undo anything I've done, I can only move forward.

Can I get all the yardwork done in one day? No, but I can write down everything I would like to do and start ticking things off the list, or I could create an Indiegogo project and raise the money to hire someone to do it for me lol. Anyone want to chip in on that? My stretch goal would be a hottub and a tiki bar :)

But really, I think making a list might help, a realistic list that doesn't have to be all done in one week. Seriously though people, share your ideas with me because whatever it is that I am currently NOT doing is absolutely NOT working for me.

The Tale of the Absolut Hunk

Nice...bottle?

All too often as college students we are forced to sit through mind-numbingly dull videos that our professors have deemed brilliant enough for us to watch. This week I had to watch a relic of a video dating back to 2004 that related to my Media Literacy class. Actually, it was more of a series of YouTube videos or whatnot that described changes in advertising, etc.

 One particular section explained how people no longer watch television commercials, so advertisers have started peddling their wares directly through our favorite shows. Somehow this led to a bit on how Absolut Vodka worked its way into one of my favorite HBO hit series of all time...Sex and the City.

*Please note, this is not the exact video used in our class and also it is NSFW.

So now this class has my attention as not only a woman, but a lover of drinks of the alcoholic persuasion. The clip she did show (which I cannot find) shows Samantha sipping a martini while talking to her lover (the man in the Absolut ad) telling him that she is having an Absolut Hunk and that HE is delicious.

Now, normally playing on the internet is frowned upon in the classroom, but one of our assignments just happens to be a Twitter project, so we're actually not only allowed to use our devices in the classroom, we are encouraged to do so. So naturally I google the drink and find I have most of the things to make it at home already. Here is the recipe for those who are curious:

Absolut Hunk

2 shots Vanilla Vodka

1/2 shot Lime Juice

1/2 shot Simple Syrup

1/4 shot Pineapple Juice

I shook mine up with a couple ice cubes in my little drink shaker thingy and strained it into a martini glass. It's incredibly sweet and strong, but in a nice way. If you don't like strong drinks (sissy) then just splash some more pineapple juice in there. I can't imagine having more than one or two, just because it really is that sweet, but it's not half bad. Definitely not as tasty as the model for that "ad", but still...tasty.

Now kids, the lesson you should take away from this is that not all the stuff you're forced to watch in school is going to be boring. Sometimes the female professor will find something that works a mostly naked male and a fun vodka drink into the mix. She is now one of my favorite professors ever.

So go mix yourself up an Absolut Hunk and enjoy your Friday night. Cheers!

Juice Fast Day 3

Most of you said I would never make it through one day, but I did. I am now most of the way through day three and I am feeling fine! Day one was interesting. The juices took a lot of getting used to, especially with my strong gag reflex I have towards vegetables or anything healthy. I had never used a juicer before either so I had to play around with that a little. The clean up kind of stinks, but since I'm juicing for five days straight I just rinsed everything out and left it in the sink for the next time.

I slept like a baby the first night. Day two I woke up feeling more energized than I have in a long time. I skipped my morning coffee and instead had a cup of hot green tea. Not wanting to waste all that extra energy, I headed off to the gym and did some light weights and 35 minutes of light cardio on the elliptical. I kept the level down and only picked up the pace for a few minutes, until my body started telling me to slow it back down. After the gym, the kids and I headed on base and stocked up on more fruits and veggies. Hannah, my 13yr old, wanted to try some smoothies out so she got stuff for those too. Dizziness hit me about halfway through the grocery store and I did feel like I had less energy for the rest of the day.

 Aside from a mild headache, which I'm guessing is from lack of caffeine, I felt pretty darned great. I even made the kids breakfast and took them through the McDonald's drive through AND later that night didn't even bat an eye when my cousin and houseguest plopped a couple pieces of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory into the fridge. Hunger did kick in around dinner time, but I was trying to choke down the beet juice that I still haven't mastered yet, and cook dinner for the kids. I somehow refrained from sticking my face in the bowl of pasta I made for the kids, glared at my beet juice, dumped it down the sink, and cheated and made a smoothie out of juiced fruits and the fruit pulp.

THAT WAS NOT CHEATING! (ahem, Kelly)

According to the fast, if the hunger pangs are persistent I am allowed to have a piece of fruit or a small salad. Instead I juiced fruits which I think is more along the lines of not eating food and only having juice and therefore I am my own personal hero and not a cheater.

Today marks day three and I did have a rough time sleeping last night, so I took a unisom and slept like a baby. I was a little groggy this morning, probably from my sleeping pill, but I got everything together and hit the gym this morning again. I did about 10 minutes of light weights, and then only made it 30 minutes on the elliptical before I started getting dizzy.

Hailey and I took a trip to the natural food store, and I got some actual raw cashews to use in my cashew milk instead of the ones I had from the normal grocery store that had salt in them. I'm hoping this helps the consistency of my cashew milk this evening and the flavor. I'm going to make a big batch to get me through these last couple of days. Hailey got a fresh organic apple and munched on it the whole way home, all the way telling me how yummy it was. Probably much better for her than her typical after gym "fruit snack" that comes in the form of Dora and Boots.

I have every confidence that I will make it through to day five. I even picked up some organic brown rice at the natural food store for my five days after my fast so that I can mix that with my veggies and ease back into real food.

Oh and since I promised...I made a video blog about it too. You can catch that on YouTube by clicking HERE.