It's a Pterygium, not a hangover...at least this time.

See that funky slash of red veiny gross across my left eye? No...it's not a hangover...it's a pterygium. There are medically noted reasons for getting them, but for the most part it has to do with exposing your eyes to sunlight, dust, UV rays and in my case, as the eye doctor guy told me...staring at screens too long. This may be something future generations of gamers have to deal with, or hopefully it will make parents more aware that their children need to learn about proper eye care at a younger age. Sunglasses are good...don't screw up your kids eyes.

Ok, lie to me and tell me this isn't gross. I know that no one is trying to be hurtful, but I am so tired of people asking if I'm hungover or if I got scratched in the eye by a lanyard at a gaming event. I've actually been on internships where I was asked by a peer if I had a "rough night out" the night before and I explained myself, but wondered how many times people didn't ask and just assumed that I was hungover.

Here are my (crooked) eyes when I look in the opposite direction of the growth on my eye. Mostly normal...

And here's the other direction. the growth overlaps the cornea (colored part) of my eye. I was told to be glad I had light colored eyes. Otherwise it would be more apparent. If I get too tired or do too much outside with the kids, or on the computer/gaming it gets crazy inflamed, itchy and overlaps my eye to where it's blurry.

I was told that removal was a possibility but that there was a chance it would flare up again, even worse.

So what would you do? The thought of eye surgery creeps me out, but this hurts, and is possibly keeping me from being taken seriously.

Lonely...and yet...

 So I'm in one of those phases, where I just can't seem to put on a happy face. Normally, I have this ability to smile no matter how bad things are. To be able to snap a picture and make everyone think life is all sunshine and roses. But tonight...I couldn't even fake a smile.

 I tried...I failed. I tried again, and got even more sad that I haven't been able to shake off all the bad feelings I've had lately. Feelings I'd love to share with everyone, but can't...things that are making my heart ache so badly that I can't share with everyone, just my closest friends.

 And then I remembered what was over my shoulder. My silly little geeky shrine that I have built for myself. Something I have pieced together and jumbled up in a little space that makes me happy when I look at it.

 My hot mess of a desk :) The desk I sanded down and painted, that serves no other purpose currently other than housing my junk, and a printer because the internet STINKS in my bedroom...

 There's that picture of my sister and our friend Kim from my wedding. They were there for the night before the wedding, and saw what went down. I had a blast visiting them both this summer, seeing my sister be a mother for the first time, and Kim living in a million dollar house for a couple weeks looking happy and making me miss her so badly.

 My book collection, with the portal bookends my sister sent me for Christmas. The autographed book from Dan Amrich, and other books with special notes from family members, my favorite being the Shitty Mom book from Aunt Cindi, and also some Prima game books.

 My media badge wall of shame, reminding me that I go to events but don't feel like I belong there. I speak to people, but never write...afraid what I have to say won't be good enough, but still know that one day...I will break free and believe in myself and make this all happen.

 The Wall-nut in a martini glass...because...that's just where it ended up...

 My birthday monkey from someone I am so glad I met, and even though we weren't a good match we remained friends and sometimes have lunch, dinner, or chilled white wine on a summer day. And one year he gave me a monkey for my birthday and I love it and will never let it go.

 My Maw, the first piece of swag I ever got at the first gaming event I ever attended. I wrote a review for Sarcastic Gamer, superimposing Lono's face into Maw's mouth, and have loved Twisted Pixel and their crew ever since.

 Mah Plants vs Zombies hat. I gave it to my son, but he kept leaving it places, so I took that shiznit back!!

 My soft kitty, sleepy kitty, little ball of fur that my Mother-in-Law sent me along with the shirt. I'm so glad she came into my life. She is an amazing woman, and such a fun person to be around.

And a small part of my PC wall of shame. Games I bought, there are so many, that I never get to play...but want to oh so badly.

Life has been pooping on me lately, and also sending good things my way. I wish I could share the bad, and get it off my chest and revel in the good. But I know that things happen for a reason. I also know that surrounding myself with good people and memories of the good times will keep me smiling even when it feels like I have no smiles left in me.

And